at that time, i was about a month and a half into my externship at A Voce. Between working at Dolce Italia full time, school 3 days a week, and externing on saturday nights, I was pretty much running myself into the ground. But seriously, if you know my style, that's precisely how I wanted it. The time spent externing was kind of a whirlwind. Getting to know everyone in the kitchen, getting to know Josh Gripper's dishes, getting to know myself as a cook, really. I could see a change in my work habits not only there, but in each other kitchen I was in. My focus was more intense...everything was a little tighter, little cleaner, a little more thought out. I fell in love with the pace of restaurant work. There is nothing quite like service pressure or the pressure of knowing that you've got 200+ on the books that night and sooner or later, its going to rain down on you, hard. I think that the toll that restaurant work takes on you didn't hit me until around April though....
Back to school for the time being. During the middle of February and I was coming off of the restaurant review assignment, where we had to go out for dessert and critique everything about the menu, restaurant, and dessert itself. As I was saying before, certain practices that used to feel awkward when we started were feeling more natural. I could see it too...as my work got progressively better. Basically, I could feel myself morphing into the cook I wanted to be. I noticed my chefs pushing me a bit harder and I also found that I pushed myself a lot harder because I felt confident I could do it. Being someone who's naturally insecure about most things, to have the knowledge and gut instinct to say, 'Yes, I can get this done and do it well,' is a really big deal. I was cannon-balling instead of just poking my toes in. Plus, everything I was learning at the restaurant was really helping me excel in the right areas in class. There was one particular day after class where the Chef said he was really taking notice of all the extra work I was doing and he appreciated it. Then he asked if I wanted him to make class harder for me. I laughed a little bit and said, "Chef, I want you to make this as hard as possible for me." It was just another example of the caliber of instruction we got at FCI. Chef's who wanted to see you succeed and push you to your limits.
From there on out, it was kind of a whirlwind of projects and assignments...Individual desserts, sugar show pieces, evening of desserts, menu projects, wedding cakes, and at long last, the final project. A couple of highlights....the dessert my partner, Holly Burrell, and I made was the biggest 'seller' of the 'evening of desserts' night...i convinced Chef Tom that cake with made with tofu can be delicious...recreating Quentin Blake illustrations with cocoa butter paints...and everything else was kind of blurry up until the actual graduation ceremony on May 30th.
My folks and lil brother came over from Ohio to watch me receive my toque and Grand Diplome. I ended up being one of 5 graduates 'with distinction,' which means that I finished with a 95% or higher for the course as a whole. Plus, I was the only student out of a class of 14 with perfect attendance. After the ceremony/reception, we headed off for an amazing night at A Voce....couldn't have asked for a nicer time...totally worth the pain of walking around in heels all day...
So A Voce....right....i am back tracking about a two months before graduation from FCI here....but I was having a talk with Josh Gripper and he offered me a position, part time until schools end and full time afterwards, as the pm pastry cook. i did some soul searching and some consulting with trusted sources...and accepted the position. It meant I would officially start in a few weeks and that I would have to quit Dolce Italia. Don't get me wrong, I loved the bakery in Astoria. Every second...every customer (haha, minus the guy who called me questionable things in German)...it gave me a good foot into this world and I am really grateful for all if it. I learned what to do and what not to do, what to expect and what not to expect when having a place of your own. I learned to never stop loving what you're creating and the people you're serving it to. Once that love is gone, you're sunk.
However, i left on a good note and started the next day learning everything that I didn't get a chance to during the externship. In my time there so far, I had never had more than a handful of interactions with the man himself, Andrew Carmellini. But my first night working dinner service solo...he made it a point to welcome me specifically and point out that this was the first night in A Voce history ( i think ) that the number of females working on the line/gm/pastry outweighed the number of guys. It blew my mind to know that this culinary giant knew my name and went out of his way to make me feel like this was my home. kind of warm and fuzzy, right?
Once i transitioned into full time, there was no time to look anywhere but forward. Two weeks after I started, I was told that Gripper was leaving...and that was only the start of the forthcoming changes....very soon, AC would be gone...then Luke would be gone as well. But in the present, my only concern was being super new and given the encouragement to stay on the team and hold down the fort with my then-partner-soon-to-be-chef, Kierin. I don't think I could have gotten acclimated to everything so quickly without her (and Nanina's) guidance and training and support and hard work. Most times were insanely busy...with the weather being all nice and the product we were making being pretty damn good, too.
But I'm not going to lie...the first few months were totally mentally, physically, and emotionally taxing on me. There were a lot of nights where I questioned whether or not I would really 'get it.' Whether or not things would just click and I could do service in my sleep and I wouldn't freak out if there were 6 tickets for 4-7 tops on the board all at once and I had 5 min to get them all out. I left feeling totally unprepared for the next day and totally inadequate. then on the other hand, there were days where i felt super confident that I was on the right track and on pace for where i should be in my career. Working in places like this is a total psychout. if you can keep your cool, you'll be ok. Just keep your head down, push harder, and work faster.
It was during this time that AC had quietly departed and the buzz surrounding the future of the restaurant was pretty loud. We held it down for quite a while until it was time for me to make a transition to AM and to bring in a new cook, Tammy. Chatty and sassy...that pretty much sums her up. The three of us made quite a pastry department. We got shizz done....and numbers were still remarkably good. Defying her claims that she wasn't ready for cheffin'...Kierin was bringing wonderful things to the table. Luke transitioned out of the place and we were left in the capable hands of our c-d-c, Ron. Despite losing some of our biggest players, the team was still strong as ever. Even stronger still because shortly after AC left, we unfortuately lost one of our own. I distinctly remember the sunday that ron and luke were in the dining room to talk to everyone as they arrived for the day...our friend and co-cook, Dennis, had passed away over the weekend. He was supposed to work garde manager that night directly to my left....i think all of us, especially those that knew him better than i did, hunkered down and our circle got tighter. we pushed on through the craziness that is nyc with great weather....
summer ended and fall started off with news that we were going to be getting a new executive chef. If i am not mistaken, Missy Robbins came in september...I had never experienced something like that before...a pre established crew and a chef who doesn't know any of them or the way they've been working for the past couple years. everyone was tiptoeing around for a couple weeks it seemed....More changes started...Kierin would put in her notice...which gave Tammy and I a month to get our things together before we were sans pastry chef...then Tammy put in her notice as well. SO three weeks after K left, Tammy would be gone too. I was kind of 75% freaking out and 25% excited to tackle this new situation that was put in front of me. i became a production monster because I had to and because I wanted to. K was gone, Tammy was checked out, and i still had a spell before the new pastry chef started in. God bless Emily Iguchi for holding down service for me while i placed the crap out of pastry station. I know it wasn't how she wanted to spend her last week there, but I am ever grateful that she did. The saturday after she left, I was flying solo and we did 208 that night. After my last ticket came in, I sat in the corner between my speed rack and my upstairs low boy and tried not to cry. those 6-14 days were a true testament to the training i had received. I've always thought that times where you were pushed to the extreme make you 10 times stronger and more competent. that was like, my official 'clicking moment.' I can do this job. and I would be able to work with the new chef, no problem. The day after that, I went for a trail over at Sullivan Street Bakery, just to scope things out and get a feel for what a bigger bakery pace was like. I enjoyed it so much that I accepted a part time position a couple weeks later. I would be going over there on my days off from A Voce. Full time was offered, but i didn't think it was my time to leave the restaurant yet...i felt and still feel that i have some more growth potential there and i wanted to see what was to come with the new pastry chef....
Jennifer McCoy started as pastry chef a short time after the 208 night. I had met her once before when she was in to do a tasting for Missy, but we didn't get a chance to talk more than just short 'get to know you' things. We both possess the enthusiasm and energy that i think i necessary to keep a consistently good flow in a department. After acclimating her to the station and to the restaurant, it was time to search for a PM cook and we found that in Carmen Lopez. She was finishing up an externship at Le Bernadin when she joined our crew....so being with us was a definite change of pace. Christmas and New Years came and went and it was looking like we were on a good pace. We had changed the whole dessert menu and almost hammered out a regular schedule for all three of us. Business was slow, but it was slow everywhere...the beginning of the year, coupled with a crap economy has made things tight all over the city and we are still feeling it. About 6 weeks after Carmen started, she turned in her two week notice. Some people find out very quickly that the restaurant life isn't one for them. ANd that was the same with c-lo. there's no ill will, i am simply glad she did what she believes is best for her and got out when she did. she's a lovely girl and i am glad to have worked with her and gotten to know her.
In her time there, more old school A Voce crew had departed. As it stands right now, there's only two of us who were a part of the Carmellini days...but the people they've been hiring have been really great. Fresh, inquisitive, and just good people. I still see all the cooks pretty regularly, but getting to know the new faces is kind of blowing my mind. i find new reasons to be madly in love with my job every day. Specifically getting to know Jenny as a person and as my chef has been really vital to my development as of late. Not too long ago, we talked about things that were on her mind and subsequently, things that were on my mind. Certain things I do/did...like being unnecessarily perpetually early...and elements of focus were called into question and i explained myself in a conscious effort to be more communicative. Everyone has their 'off' times and I recognized the fact that I try vrey had to achieve perfection, but its quite difficult for me to admit mistakes. i have to learn to start realizing that its ok...everyone slips up every now and again...but they happen less frequently if you always double check to make sure you're taking the time to do it right. I think being put in the postition i was put into so early on forced me to make certain decisions for the department that i don't have to make anymore...but often, its hard to let old habits die. I am used to making sure that I have enough time to get my work done...but now I know I can do everything in a shorter amount of time with the same end result. the conversations were very eye opening to me...and resulted in my asking her if i was in a proper place on the 'career path' for only being a year or so into the field. because when you start in the culinary arts, there is no set path to take...it winds, stops, spins, and spirals down. I was kind of freaking out because I wasn't sure if the extra responsibility i had taken on earlier would eventually hurt my career later on down the line...but i was reassured that i am beyond where i should be at this stage in the game. and if i stay on this pace and keep learning as much as I can, i will be able to go as far as i'd like to go.
However, I need to learn not to bear unnecessary burdens, lighten up on myself, and just concentrate on being a cook and producing the best product possible.
The past couple weeks at work have been busy...we're running specials on regional prix fixe menus at lunch, which has given a new twist to my usual morning routine. ALso, as of yesterday, my hours shifted from 8-5ish to 11-7ish. this is going to give me better time to focus strictly on production and also the chance to work more one on one with Jen. Spring menu changes will be here before i know it, as will the new location of A Voce in the Time Warner Center. i am hoping most of you saw the photo of the broken marble on facebook....after three years and countless kilos of donuts...the mighty marble has been defeated by my own two hands....
Sullivan is going well also. Its a new experience for me and i think it keeps my mind fresh overall. I am learning things I never even thought about doing before...for example...
that's a pork shoulder. dressed, rolled, tressed, and roasted by me. keep in mind that's the first time i've done that....who'd have thought that a pastry trained cook would be doing that...let alone one who doesn't eat pork at all. i get to make dough in a hobart mixer that is just as tall as i am. i plastic wrap my entire arm to fold meringue into a mixture of chocolate, butter, sugar, egg yolks, and bread crumbs. If you've ever been to 'wichcraft and had an apple turnover, there's a good chance i've had my hands on it. each lesson i learn is valuable and i don't see that trend stopping any time soon.
My new partner, Jeannette, started last week. THe winds of change are picking up kids.....and you can rest easy knowing that i'll be here to document them....
that's about all i can think of for right now...it feels nice to be back. sit down. have some cookies....
xx--
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